By trade, I'm a scientist. I like to experiment. A recipe is nothing but a glorified science protocol - add this and when, do this, then Boom! Result. I hope my cooking is not a reflection of my scientific prowess and discounts my publications. Hopefully, I take one of these more serious than the other.
I have two Wildling Boys. And they are young; like, young enough to believe when I tell them that the wine is my cup is toxic waste and not to touch it. But I do want them to be better than me in the kitchen so I make up experiments for them with big bowls of water to stir around:
What if you put in some cheerios?
What about some potato chips? Can you still eat them? Then watch when they try :)
Stir it real fast - what happens to the stuff in there?
What if you use a ladle?
Go get a mop.
My own personal experiments go a little more awry. Because it is made with the intention of eating it. This time I didn't realize I was cooking to help fill the trash bin.
Publix has pre made pizza dough in bags that theoretically should be used for pizza but, honestly, I can't get over this love of stuffing things into bread and baking it. Hotdogs, fruit, cheese, I make "Whatever in a Blanket" a lot since I am always looking for something small and portable for my kids to eat. And I have to meet a school requirement of protein and carbs for their lunches - I would be tired of bread slices 2 years into attendance, wouldn't you?
Normally, I use biscuits but here I go again getting creative when really I should leave that in more capable hands. Like my 5 year old's.
I thought about breadsticks. You know, like churros. I love them! So light and sugary! Portable! What I found was that pizza dough does not stretch out and stay out. It snaps back like a Stretch Armstrong leg. I even turned the oven to a different temperature - 425 degrees- because when I looked at Foodtv.com that is what it looked like calzones were cooked at. Explain that logic....
And since I didn't want them to be dry, I melted some butter to brush on them. Remembering that my kids have been using my silicon pastry brush for a paint brush and pulling off the bristles I realize I would have better luck with a palm frond if I could even find the thing so I just use my hands.
Picking up a turd sized piece of dough dangling like a dead fish and slathering butter on it felt as vile as it sounds. Ever touched a cow teat with butter on it? Urp retch! Then roll it in sugar/cinnamon. You can't sweeten that image. Ever. I tried to stretch it out, it snapped back, I wrangled it now it's greasy, grainy, wrinkly, fleshy and utterly gross looking on a fabulous Pampered Chef pizza stone. The best tools can't make up for lack of technique.
I baked it anyway.
I wasn't real sure how big these things would cook up to be. But when I thought about it, pizzas don't rise much so it's not likely they will poof up and fill the oven. No. They stayed the same turd size and got brown. Real brown. That butter I thought would keep them from being dry only petrified them. They were like mini baseball bats. I can imagine the conversation at the dentist " Yes, it was on a homemade breadstick. Would you just fix the damn tooth?"
They all went in the trash after staring at them on the counter for 4 hours. I had to let the sweet turds go.
No, no don't EAT IT!
