Eww Tofu

I like tofu but only from a restaurant.  I can't make anything worth a damn with it.  I've tried a handful of times and the results were dismal - just like this time.

The cookbook that I am armed with is Deceptively Delicious by Jerry Seinfeld's wife, Jessica.  You hide veggie purees in ordinary dishes thus upping the nutritional value.  When you cook for a hubby, Big Daddy G, that only eats beige food...it's fun to hear him actually like something I know is loaded with vitamin goodness and isn't coated with a funky cheese sauce.  My freezer is packed full of purees and a few recipes have been pretty awesome!

Tonight was just for me though.  I'm normally a pretty strict vegetarian but since I have been nursing my baby I've had to eat a little meat -  I plan to ditch it as soon as this kid is off me though! So, tofu is not a foreign substance to me and I do eat it when prepared by someone that knows what to do with it.  Big Daddy G was out drag racing and I had the time and energy to try something new.

I had the ingredients for these little fried tofu sticks.  How hard could THAT be?  I've coated and fried veggies before so what's the big deal?

First, I had to make bread crumbs.  I hate store bought breadcrumbs because they, like everything else, have high fructose corn syrup in them!!  WHY?? I have to search to find bread without that crap; apparently, Americans can't eat anything with out it.  Food does have taste without much enhancement - try it! It's really good.  Well anyway, I had to take the time to make my own so that started this whole process.

I already had the pea puree in the freezer. Yep, you heard that right.  The concept of this dish is to cut the tofu, roll it in pureed peas with egg added as a binder, roll in bread crumbs and fry them up.  I thaw the peas out and add my egg.

The tofu started out in it's normal gelatinous state.  It makes a cool sucking noise as it oozes out of the box - schlurp! I dry it and cut into sticks.  It's been so long since I have cut tofu that I use too much pressure and squish a bit of it.

I dip the first stick in the pea/egg mix and most of it slips off the tofu. Hmmm. Now what?  I keep rolling it around until I get some to finally stick and slap it in the bread crumbs. Unfortunately, bits of tofu break off in my pea mixture so it's starting to look kinda gross already.  I get a few done and get them ready for the pan.  Neither mixture coated evenly so they are a bit lumpy.

Next is something I don't understand.  Coat the pan with cooking spray, heat it then add olive oil.  Sounds ok until the sticks soak up that oil like a dry dish rag.  I think I even added more oil than the recipe called for - you  know, since I don't measure sometimes. The coating cooked up pretty good even if it really didn't look right.  The peas on the ends where not cooked so there is nice brown coating on the long sides and green peas on the ends!

This was a failure.  They didn't look good and they didn't taste good.  Where did I go wrong?  I salvaged the rest of my tofu by coating with soy sauce and baking it.  I can enjoy that.

When comparing to the picture mine is nothing close to what is shown.  Hers had to be deep fried to get that good of a scald.  Deceptive I'd say!

BTW - feedback from  G Dub was that this blog is good, sounds gross, but it's well written. He thinks the peas were the problem. ( he keeps shuddering at the thought of pea puree).  I think I am now too.

Apple Whatsits

Potlucks are a pain in the arse.  I usually love the company but I can never get a dish to be able to sit 2 hours and still look like you might want to venture a try.  It turns out looking more like something you would dare me to eat.  That's not good at a potluck - you waste a lot doing that.  No wonder why you almost always see the same tried and true vittles; you know, deviled eggs, pasta salad, green beans, pimento cheese sandwiches.  You can't really screw them up but, dang, they can be boring.

I've even tried a big pretty serving platter to hopefully hide my sunken, slightly dried up dish.  Very few fall for it and I wind up bringing back most of what I brought in - waste of money and time!  But I have to consider my audience too. I was once surrounded by the wonder of an avocado I was eating - what is this strange and unusual item you have??  No, really, I had to show and tell and avocado.  :-/

Tonight was potluck experiment #163 but the first ever documented.   I start by trying to use what was already in my pantry ( I've forgotten to mention that I don't like to spend a butt load of cash on something that's going to look like crap and gets snubbed at the table!). Ah, I find a jar of fried apples and crumbly stuff for the top that an aunt got me from the Apple Barn.  Great gesture but I won't ever eat it here at the house so I was just waiting for somewhere to take something made with these items.  Out comes the idea for a turnover type thingy.  I buy frozen pie crust because I'm definitely not making that and I'm on my way.

I just know you thaw the pie crust, put what you want in, fold it over and bake it.  What temperature?  Shoot, I don't know.  What shape?  What ever it turns out to be, I don't know.  I know what it's supposed to look like but I'm not delusional enough to think that I can turn out that product so I just treat it like play doh.

Here's what I made up:
1. Thaw pie crust on wax paper.  Try to fix cracks in pie crust by pushing back together but don't use too much water then it all just sticks together like the glue flour and water are.
2. Cut crust in half towards you and put some apples on it.
3. Fold over using wax paper underneath.  Fix cracks that are now on top of your "pie" - again not too much water!
4. Mash down along the edge to seal.  Try to make a pretty edge then add more crust to repair the jagged edge and even get a seal.  Pie crust is really pliable so just push around in it until it looks like a little turnover.

5. Thank the food gods for crumbly stuff for the top!  It hides all those extra cracks! Apply liberally

6.  Try the oven at 375.  Hopefully, this works. Always use a Silpat mat to avoid burnt bottoms!  Of the turnovers, silly.
7. Do not set a timer but do not start to do anything very far away - I think they were in there 20 minutes.
8. Wah-la!  you have a turnover!  Even if they do look like Horseshoe crabs.

Now EAT IT!

Kitchen Reality

Women have always ruled the kitchen.  Our crown is a shiny mason jar top and we wave our family in to dinner with the slow wave of a Sweet Potato Queen.

But though we may wave with pageantry, the output is sometimes a little less than royal.  That's my kitchen.  I mean well and no one has died yet ( that I know of!) but my dinner presentations have a broad range of goodness.  Very broad.  But that just keeps life interesting, right?  Ask that to the two that are continually subjected to these dishes.  I call it broadening horizons.

Since my son was born I've cooked more than I have in 5 years!  Why? Hormones, I guess.  But no matter what the reason I'm in the kitchen and that's scary.  Even worse, I'm armed with a cookbook. Danger danger!  Let's begin with a little about my kitchen habits:

1. I NEVER follow a recipe to the letter.  Ever.
2. I don't usually set a timer.
3. If a recipe has more than 7 ingredients, I just turn the page.
4. If an ingredient is at a store 1/2 mile away from where I normally shop I'll substitute with something in my narrow range - this is where the real variability comes in.
5.  I can be ADD
6.  If it's squishy or has juice I don't really want to touch it. Especially if it's chicken.
7. I'm cheap.
8. My tastes are expansive even if my cooking ability is not.

 My mom eats what I call prefab food like the already cooked bacon, 100 calories packs of anything - that's kind of my idea of junk. Sorry Mom! :-)  My dad cooks well now, albeit highly restricted, but I live far away and the influence in minimal.  So, I'm challenged.  I've never made a stock, a roux, an infused oil and oh well... so what.

Enjoy the blog as I fumble my way through healthy concoctions that usually tastes great despite their looks.
 Cooking isn't about curb appeal - JUST EAT IT!